Michigan State Preview 2011-2012

 

     The biggest event in Midnight Madness history turn sour as head basketball coach for the Michigan State Spartans, Tom Izzo contracted rabies from a wild moon wolverine. Everything was wired in via skype. Coach was being broadcasted to the entire world while on the moon enjoying the scenery. Moon rock after moon rock was there to greet him. Then a rare species we can't yet study was spotted ripping into the now comatose head coach. He eventually made it back to earth but how alive he is, is yet to be seen. This puts a damper on what already looked like a gloomy season for the Spartans who almost missed the tournament last season.

     Kalin Lucas has taken over as interim head coach. A wounded man coaching a wounded team. Don't look down too much on the Spartans this season they still have a first rate journalist in Draymond Green as he displayed for ESPN last season. So watch out for the Spartans this year! They should be a wounded animal this season and as we all know wounded animals are sometimes the most dangerous kind! Ask that wolverine about being wounded he was on the freakin' moon.

Arizona State coach Herb Tarlek says he doesn't want to dwell on the team that nickel and dimed their way to mediocrity in the 2010-11 season, and it's hard to blame him.

In a nutshell, Tarlek disintegrated a team with high hopes last year into a cooney team with Gong Show level talent. He took his coach of the year trophy from 09-10 and poisoned the teams Gatorade supply with his f***ed-up toxins.

Injured and cinematic, the legendary 2010-11 Sun Devils lost 9 in a row in Pac-10 utopia, infecting the spirits of his youngers. Arizona State University is located in Phoenix, Arizona.

Irregardlessly, it is hard for me to salvage any sort of preview for this adventurous bunch. After all, they've broken my faith many-a-time before -- why should I trust them with my heart yet again?

With no seniors on the roster, a tournament-ready team can only be described as a job for a cowboy. But the Pac-12 is weak at the top this season. Tarlek has put on his spurs, but can he ride into the sunset?


RATING
(On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being best) 7/10

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Notre Dame vs Missouri - Preview - November 21, 2011 College Basketball

(preview coming soon)

Michigan vs Memphis Preview - November 21, 2011 College Basketball

(preview coming soon)

Washington @ St Louis - Preview - November 20, 2011 College Basketball

(preview coming soon)

Louisville @ Butler 2011 Preview - November 15, 2011 College Basketball

(preview coming soon)

Belmont @ Memphis Preview - November 15, 2011 College Basketball

One of the best parts of teaching at the Belmont University is the interaction with our interesting faculty.

Belmont returns 10 to 12 players from last years squad of pyromaniacs, draining 3 point bombs from the balcony.

Belmont will bloody the Tigers.

More to come.

Florida @ Ohio St Preview - November 15, 2011 College Basketball

Ohio State enters this season fueled by uncorked passion, ranked No. 3 in both the Coaches and AP polls behind UNC and Kentucky. The Buckeyes were the archtype last season, where they posted a 34-3 record on their way to a complete weenie roast at the hands of Kentucky in the Sweet 16 of the NCAA tournament.


Ohio State University is dedicated to providing a curriculum that is rooted in the teachings of the Catholic church. Ohio State has two returning starters in their catechism -- Jared Sullinger and William Buford.

Jared "Sack Jackin' " Sullinger enters his sophomore season behind an absolute bogdas of hype. The only consensus preseason All-American was also  voted the Big Ten’s preseason player of the year. He lost 20 pounds in the offseason, and his iconic value will multiply tenfold. He will be able to utilize unbelievable athleticism this semester rather than being propped up in the paint like a Macy's float. This headhunter has the world clutching their legs in an utter fetal position.

On the dark side of things, it is rumored that Williams Buford has mice in his home. Watch out for this off-the-court distraction to greatly affect Ohio State's ch'i.

Florida was one game away from reaching the Final Four last season. Wizard and master puppeteer Billy Donovan is the master composer -- opponents think he's played his master sonata, but he's just playin' CHOPSTICKS.

Three seniors graduated -- but Rutgers transfer Mike Rosario and McDonald's All-America freshman Bradley Beal could become the Mount Saint Helens of college basketball, ready to erupt with projectile vomit at any given moment.

A big question mark is the improvement of center, Patric Young. This young big man has spent much of his career rumbling around like a mastodon. The Gators are ranked No. 8 in the Associated Press preseason poll. Florida University is proud of its online educational programs

I am picking FLORIDA to get an upset win on the road. Why? Well - the moon is aligned with the earths gravitational field in such a manner that it's heaviest side is facing earth, less total energy is in the system. Florida's small guards are surely aware of this fast break opportunity and will make Ohio State's flakey cast keel.

Michigan St vs Duke Preview - November 15, 2011 College Basketball

Mike Krzyzewski enters the 2011-12 season with the socially-unacceptable tally of 900 victories in his college head coaching career, two wins behind your hero and mine BOB KNIGHT.

His enshrinement as winningest coach in collegiate hoops history might as well enshrine into enshrinement.

If they dismantle Belmont, and if they are able to rediscover their moral dignity with a win against Presbyterian, the stage will be set for Coach K to become the all time wins leader -- in front of a notoriously fleshy gathering at MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.

With all this history at stake, Tom Izzo is riding the gravy train to stewy success. Michigan State's repugnant first win could come against Coack K's corky bunch.

Last year's pre-season #2, MSU's season relatively unraveled. Then, with some wins, it reraveled for the Spartans, then reveled into relevance by raveling irreverantly.

Draymond "Pantyhose" Green (12.3 PPG 8.6 RPG last year) will need to re-oil his "goat-motor" for any chance at soiling Coach K's indulgent party.

Kansas vs Kentucky Preview - College Basketball November 15, 2011

For the first time in his career as a coach, Bill Self has to conduct a literal talent renaissance to get his team on the map by the time of yule, 2011.

77 percent of last year's scoring and 67 percent of last year's rebounding down the cr*pshoot, my friends -- Jayhawks fans, is this OK with you? I have provided information to protest the athletic department at the bottom of this article.

The Morris twins and Josh Selby split, ya dig. Three more top contributors graduated. This kind of production can only be made up by some working class heroes -- does Self have the bunch?

No -- and here's why.

Self has to let his recruits thaw out before they can play sweet. His artful system lends itself to the experienced students of higher academia moreso than the newest high school recruits.

Kentucky, on the other hand, has gone to the Elite 8 and Final 4 the past 2 years with a host of new recuits. Calipari pushes new recruits onto the scene with his perennial squeegee, never giving them a chance to freeze. In addition to the new recruiting class he has conquered, he returns some of his "undead" collegiate athletes from last year's Final 4 run.

Terrence Jones, last year's SEC Freshman of the year returns. "Captain Gumbohands" (as his teammates affectionately call him) will lead the charge for the Wildcats.

Anthony Davis, who controversially knit his own jersey earlier in the year, looks to add some swag to the funk explosion.

Look for Kentucky to produce 100 points in this game with these great magicians -- Kansas will look like their clueless assistants in this early clashing of the bros.