Florida @ Ohio St Preview - November 15, 2011 College Basketball

Ohio State enters this season fueled by uncorked passion, ranked No. 3 in both the Coaches and AP polls behind UNC and Kentucky. The Buckeyes were the archtype last season, where they posted a 34-3 record on their way to a complete weenie roast at the hands of Kentucky in the Sweet 16 of the NCAA tournament.


Ohio State University is dedicated to providing a curriculum that is rooted in the teachings of the Catholic church. Ohio State has two returning starters in their catechism -- Jared Sullinger and William Buford.

Jared "Sack Jackin' " Sullinger enters his sophomore season behind an absolute bogdas of hype. The only consensus preseason All-American was also  voted the Big Ten’s preseason player of the year. He lost 20 pounds in the offseason, and his iconic value will multiply tenfold. He will be able to utilize unbelievable athleticism this semester rather than being propped up in the paint like a Macy's float. This headhunter has the world clutching their legs in an utter fetal position.

On the dark side of things, it is rumored that Williams Buford has mice in his home. Watch out for this off-the-court distraction to greatly affect Ohio State's ch'i.

Florida was one game away from reaching the Final Four last season. Wizard and master puppeteer Billy Donovan is the master composer -- opponents think he's played his master sonata, but he's just playin' CHOPSTICKS.

Three seniors graduated -- but Rutgers transfer Mike Rosario and McDonald's All-America freshman Bradley Beal could become the Mount Saint Helens of college basketball, ready to erupt with projectile vomit at any given moment.

A big question mark is the improvement of center, Patric Young. This young big man has spent much of his career rumbling around like a mastodon. The Gators are ranked No. 8 in the Associated Press preseason poll. Florida University is proud of its online educational programs

I am picking FLORIDA to get an upset win on the road. Why? Well - the moon is aligned with the earths gravitational field in such a manner that it's heaviest side is facing earth, less total energy is in the system. Florida's small guards are surely aware of this fast break opportunity and will make Ohio State's flakey cast keel.

Kansas vs Kentucky Preview - College Basketball November 15, 2011

For the first time in his career as a coach, Bill Self has to conduct a literal talent renaissance to get his team on the map by the time of yule, 2011.

77 percent of last year's scoring and 67 percent of last year's rebounding down the cr*pshoot, my friends -- Jayhawks fans, is this OK with you? I have provided information to protest the athletic department at the bottom of this article.

The Morris twins and Josh Selby split, ya dig. Three more top contributors graduated. This kind of production can only be made up by some working class heroes -- does Self have the bunch?

No -- and here's why.

Self has to let his recruits thaw out before they can play sweet. His artful system lends itself to the experienced students of higher academia moreso than the newest high school recruits.

Kentucky, on the other hand, has gone to the Elite 8 and Final 4 the past 2 years with a host of new recuits. Calipari pushes new recruits onto the scene with his perennial squeegee, never giving them a chance to freeze. In addition to the new recruiting class he has conquered, he returns some of his "undead" collegiate athletes from last year's Final 4 run.

Terrence Jones, last year's SEC Freshman of the year returns. "Captain Gumbohands" (as his teammates affectionately call him) will lead the charge for the Wildcats.

Anthony Davis, who controversially knit his own jersey earlier in the year, looks to add some swag to the funk explosion.

Look for Kentucky to produce 100 points in this game with these great magicians -- Kansas will look like their clueless assistants in this early clashing of the bros.

Kentucky Team Preview - 2011-12

Star incoming freshman Anthony Davis is slated to become AN ABSOLUTE CARABET (car-uh-bay) for the Wildcats. He's already been to the moon with his oft-documented close ties to NASA.

But one red flag for all you Wildcat fans to embrace -- he actually knitted his own jersey. There's no telling what this hobby has done to his chi, but it can't be good for his performance. SELL SELL SELL!!!!!!!

Vanderbilt Team Preview 2011-12

Preseason #7 in the polls this year are the Vanderbilt Commodores, led by star guard John Jenkins and swingman Jeffery Taylor, while returning their entire roster from last season's campaign. A disappointing first round upset loss to Richmond last year leaves Vandy hungry and out for blood.

However, this Nashille school has a fanbase that revels heavily in the music of Elvis Presley. This honky tonk style of rock and roll is sure to affect the team's performance in the upcoming season. Also, beware the ghost of Shan Foster, all you Commodore faithful. Just a little food for thought. Period.