Thursday, January 05, 2012

Jared Sullinger and the Quest for the Secret Rebound

I recently raided a dermatologist's locker room to get an exclusive interview with Ohio State star Jared Sullinger, player of the year candidate and national defensive rebounding rate champion.

"So Jared," I said, somewhat radically, "how  is it that you are able to rebound at such alarming rates?"

He wiped a sudden flood of fake sweat from his brow and spoke softly.

"The Dr. Scholl's Gel Boiler," he said, glazing trails of sweat from his body.

I swallowed the bitter lump in my throat and continued publishing false facts about his lifestyle. I pleaded for more information.

Overall, he apparently suffers though every game with a molten girdle completely scalding his stomach, accelerating his core to inhuman capacities.

More on this interview to come...