Saturday, January 26, 2013

9 of the AP Top 12 Teams Have Lost

 The # 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, and 12 ranked college basketball teams all lost this week. Amidst this chaos, art can be the only way one can express oneself. These are the lyrics to a song called "Chemical Halo", which could have been written by any number of college basketball analysts after the weeks events.
"Chemical halo burning bright In a sodium haze,
All meaning is lost,
But this confusion remains.
I'm going to tear myself apart
If i can't get myself together,
And spread my pieces around like waste
And give my gift of stormy weather.
Every time i move i feel like something's broken.
Every time i laugh i feel like maybe i'm choking.
I know you'd laugh too,
But it's not the funny anymore.

I kissed the floor on my way down,
A match head burning out on the frozen ground.

I just want to thank every one of you
For all the things that you don't do,
For the stab in the back
For the kick in the face
For the pain in the neck
And all the shame and disgrace
For the spit in the eye
And all the things you say,
And all the head games you play."

Thursday, January 24, 2013

#1 DUKE LOSES TO #25 MIAMI 90-62

HEY DOOK, KISS MY ASS!!!!!! MIAMI IS NUMBER ONE BABY!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!

KISS MY ASS DOOKIE!!!!!

DID ANYONE SEE COACH K'S RED FACE BOILING AND ALL HIS ZITS EXPLODING!!! RIGHT ON THE COURT, THAT WAS SO GROSS YA'LL!!!

THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!

TALK TO ME, I'M A MAN, I'M 40@!!!!!!

THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!

Sunday, January 06, 2013

Mason Plumlee: Duke Workhorse

Big men choose to sign with the Blue Devils because of the Duke screen-setting legacy. They want their fair shot at setting the NCAA record for screens set in a season. Mason Plumlee is no exception, setting hundreds of thousands of screens in his 4 seasons at Duke.

Mason has spent years writhing under Coach K's cruel lash. Spurred on by these constant, now schizophrenic whispers ("Why aren't you flopping more?" ... "Keep flopping, Mason!") Plumlee is on his way to his finest season at Duke.

Mason Plumlee has cemented his legacy as a workhorse for Duke or at least a horse, people will remember him as a horse of some sort just look at him.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

The Fractured Christmas of Wyoming Star Luke Martinez


Ah, another great holiday season for college hoops fans has come and gone, and most of us come out unscathed.  The same cannot be said for University of Wyoming's scoring leader Luke Martinez, who broke his hand in a violent collision with partridge in a pear tree. Doctors say he will be sidelined for a fortnight, which is probably close to 40 days and 40 nights in American time but you're going to have to do the math. #i dont know how to do it.

Wyoming is the most surprising undefeated team in college basketball. They are miraculously still winning games with a shoelace-trippin' team of unlikely reserves.

"We've won the bare minimum amount of games to stay undefeated -- nothing more, nothing less," said rebellious, ungrateful coach Larry Shyatt. His technique of coaching by offering no corrections or advice, just screaming at his players in a loud angry voice, is finally starting to pay off. However, one must question his all-around mental health to harbor such anger despite his team's wily success.

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