Wednesday, December 26, 2012

COLLEGE BASKETBALL Villanova vs Xavier Highlights

Friday, November 30, 2012

Coack K and the Championship Lab

Coach Mike Kryztwhwacki has, for years, been known for his ability to take every aspect of basketball way too seriously. This season is no exception, as he is frequently spotted screaming at his players to get up after they tear their respective ACLs.

One Duke player got a harsh scolding for not getting back quickly enough on defense - he was managing his scabs on the other end of the court.

In a COLLEGE FREAKIN HOOPS EXCLUSIVE, Coach Kryzthesckiki led us to the back part of Duke's locker room. I'm assuming other media doesn't come here because the results were shocking. He had vats of players developing within his superlab, doing strange warm up stretches while swabbling in some sort of gooey fluid.

"We are just beginning to scrub the surface," said Coach K, with a symbolic loofah in hand. "Thank you for covering college basketball in such an honest way for our fanbase."

He slapped his hand in some of the experimental goo and held it out for me to shake, kind of like that Ford truck commercial and so I indulged it well what else was i gonna do.

"Thanks for your kind words, Coach K," I said, somewhat effeminately. "I will keep doing my best to cover college basketball in the way I see fit."

"Son," he said, "you're doing one hell of a job. Keep doing what you're doing. It's a service to the NCAA."

"It's my pleasure, Coach," I again said.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to use the bathroom," he said.

"No problem, Coach, I'll wait up for you."

As I stood there alone, amongst the developing basketball prodigies in Coach K's superlab, I felt numb to the world. No joy, no disgust, no terror. Just a determination -- a reignited passion to give you the hoops.

"Give them the hoops, son," I heard Coach K say, the echoes ruminating from his bathroom stall.

"OK" I said. Now I'm giving u the hoops thanks for readin ya'll

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

BREAKING: Jim Boeheim Medical Fraud Costs Syracuse Their Moral Dignity

How bout we all stop playing along with this crap -- Jim Boeheim is a coot who abuses the trust that his players give him.

He wears a surgical mask and expects people to trust him with medicine, he fired all the team doctors! He has pocketed nearly $70,000 keesh from his pharmaceutical ruse. now his team is plagued with contagious diseases and Boehiem is working on his twisted multidimensional doping process out of desperation.

This isn't quite as serious of a problem but I'll throw it in because its relevant - Syracuse lacks the equipment to produce popcorn, Jim ate it all. Looks like he needs that 'Corn at home more than ya'll Orange nation need it!

Now Syracuse sucks, they lost to the san diego Combat Wombats, they aint any good. Screaming "God help us" is not the most effective strategy most of the time but I guess 'Cuse will have to see how it works out this year!

NEW AP TOP 25: University of Spoiled Chicken Rises to #4 - NCAAB 2013 November 27

1Indiana (47) 6-01,606
2Duke (18) 6-01,554
4University of Spoiled Chicken4-01,416
13Michigan State5-1818
14North Carolina5-1718
15Oklahoma State5-0668
18North Carolina State4-1553
23San Diego State4-1182
25New Mexico6-0141

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

o lordy the hoosiers have lost!!!!

AP #1 Ranked Team the Indiana Hoosiers have been shockingly knocked off by the University of Spoiled Chicken. The poultry-based college stunned the Hoosiers with a series of Globetrotter basketball rolls and experimental tricks.

Further, the hickish culture shock that usually distracts Hoosiers opponents (referred to as the "Tractor Factor") seemed to have no effect on the opposition tonight -- they have grown up "down on the farm" and apparently spoiled there too, judging by the name of the university.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Funnel the hoops into my mind.

I've bought all the TV sets my living room can handle. Gotta catch all my COLLEGE HOOPS action, all at once.

Just give me the hoops, i won't ask for any christmas gifts not even one

Louisville Cardinals Team Preview, 2012-13

Lousivile supposed to be great this season, achieve their dreams. Peyton Silva, co-captain and gunkie  leader, leads several practice subteams and looks like the shining star this yr.

Silva has struggled through four years of severe bipolar depression. He would play sweet then suck it up for a while.

He had a span of becoming injured and ill, while losing games because of his ailments. An embarrassing loss at Providence was the worst in college history.

A song he wrote during a low-point of his suffering, “Healer”, debuted at #2 on the ARIA charts.

Last year he honored 25% of his 3 point shots. 2013 should be another year of showcasing the trick shots and basketball talent.

Coach Rick Pitino said “He is one of the best five people I have ever meet.”

These words shouldn't be taken lightly he's a legendary coach. Silva will be your beloved red cardinal, beating his wings against championship skies for the #1 team in the nation.

CFH Season Preview for 2012-13

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Kentucky Center Nerlens Noel Scouting Report

✓ Rabid center who chews through his own ligaments.
✓ Named to Warren's Pre-Season All-Alliteration team.
✓ Mad Hops and Mad Ancestry

Potential Grade: A
Instant Impact Grade: B+
Social Responsibility Grade: D+ (known to hunt wildlife sporadically)

BREAKING: Rudy Fernandez Injured While Flopping

Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Implications of Will Power on College Basketball

A remedied form of an injured player will always be heralded above his convuluted counterpart -- but the charges themselves pertaining to the eruption of "will power" are a good principle in which no wider influence is shared among its conditions.

Michael Jordan, at least conceptually, embodied will power in playing with a problematic 102 degree fever. Who is to say this power is what it says, and not genetics?!

Will power is reduced to force beyond injury -- the concept of the "knee" and ligaments wherein are secondary.

 Medically, there is no difference between a singular human and a singular iguana. Singularly, their identities are singular.

To explain that, the players will do the following: 1. Be delegated quaintly into secluded forces and 2. understand why it is that they are, essentially, fighting other forces. What is the difference in these two forces? What significance do these animals really hold to the personal lives of players, causing so much despair on the lives of the others, and all losing teams? These separate forms become a particular reaction; a cumulative middle finger to half of the players. Will power affirms the convictions of the player, the prioritization of their launch into a particular glory.

The eternal ramifications of these principals shall be understood as we understand the workings of the accordion: It comedically plays and we have very little respect for the will to power it. The will, to power it. Incompatible does not mean exactly unidentical. Imagine the difference between a uniform and a disguise. These giants combat on the low blocks, to what end?

 Into essence, the above problems are no longer understood as relevant topics to the ignoramus, but they invite essence into the homes of those who consider them.

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Jared Sullinger and the Quest for the Secret Rebound

I recently raided a dermatologist's locker room to get an exclusive interview with Ohio State star Jared Sullinger, player of the year candidate and national defensive rebounding rate champion.

"So Jared," I said, somewhat radically, "how  is it that you are able to rebound at such alarming rates?"

He wiped a sudden flood of fake sweat from his brow and spoke softly.

"The Dr. Scholl's Gel Boiler," he said, glazing trails of sweat from his body.

I swallowed the bitter lump in my throat and continued publishing false facts about his lifestyle. I pleaded for more information.

Overall, he apparently suffers though every game with a molten girdle completely scalding his stomach, accelerating his core to inhuman capacities.

More on this interview to come...