Friday, November 30, 2012

Coack K and the Championship Lab

Coach Mike Kryztwhwacki has, for years, been known for his ability to take every aspect of basketball way too seriously. This season is no exception, as he is frequently spotted screaming at his players to get up after they tear their respective ACLs.

One Duke player got a harsh scolding for not getting back quickly enough on defense - he was managing his scabs on the other end of the court.

In a COLLEGE FREAKIN HOOPS EXCLUSIVE, Coach Kryzthesckiki led us to the back part of Duke's locker room. I'm assuming other media doesn't come here because the results were shocking. He had vats of players developing within his superlab, doing strange warm up stretches while swabbling in some sort of gooey fluid.

"We are just beginning to scrub the surface," said Coach K, with a symbolic loofah in hand. "Thank you for covering college basketball in such an honest way for our fanbase."

He slapped his hand in some of the experimental goo and held it out for me to shake, kind of like that Ford truck commercial and so I indulged it well what else was i gonna do.

"Thanks for your kind words, Coach K," I said, somewhat effeminately. "I will keep doing my best to cover college basketball in the way I see fit."

"Son," he said, "you're doing one hell of a job. Keep doing what you're doing. It's a service to the NCAA."

"It's my pleasure, Coach," I again said.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to use the bathroom," he said.

"No problem, Coach, I'll wait up for you."

As I stood there alone, amongst the developing basketball prodigies in Coach K's superlab, I felt numb to the world. No joy, no disgust, no terror. Just a determination -- a reignited passion to give you the hoops.

"Give them the hoops, son," I heard Coach K say, the echoes ruminating from his bathroom stall.

"OK" I said. Now I'm giving u the hoops thanks for readin ya'll

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

BREAKING: Jim Boeheim Medical Fraud Costs Syracuse Their Moral Dignity

How bout we all stop playing along with this crap -- Jim Boeheim is a coot who abuses the trust that his players give him.

He wears a surgical mask and expects people to trust him with medicine, he fired all the team doctors! He has pocketed nearly $70,000 keesh from his pharmaceutical ruse. now his team is plagued with contagious diseases and Boehiem is working on his twisted multidimensional doping process out of desperation.

This isn't quite as serious of a problem but I'll throw it in because its relevant - Syracuse lacks the equipment to produce popcorn, Jim ate it all. Looks like he needs that 'Corn at home more than ya'll Orange nation need it!

Now Syracuse sucks, they lost to the san diego Combat Wombats, they aint any good. Screaming "God help us" is not the most effective strategy most of the time but I guess 'Cuse will have to see how it works out this year!

NEW AP TOP 25: University of Spoiled Chicken Rises to #4 - NCAAB 2013 November 27

1Indiana (47) 6-01,606
2Duke (18) 6-01,554
4University of Spoiled Chicken4-01,416
13Michigan State5-1818
14North Carolina5-1718
15Oklahoma State5-0668
18North Carolina State4-1553
23San Diego State4-1182
25New Mexico6-0141

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

o lordy the hoosiers have lost!!!!

AP #1 Ranked Team the Indiana Hoosiers have been shockingly knocked off by the University of Spoiled Chicken. The poultry-based college stunned the Hoosiers with a series of Globetrotter basketball rolls and experimental tricks.

Further, the hickish culture shock that usually distracts Hoosiers opponents (referred to as the "Tractor Factor") seemed to have no effect on the opposition tonight -- they have grown up "down on the farm" and apparently spoiled there too, judging by the name of the university.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Funnel the hoops into my mind.

I've bought all the TV sets my living room can handle. Gotta catch all my COLLEGE HOOPS action, all at once.

Just give me the hoops, i won't ask for any christmas gifts not even one

Louisville Cardinals Team Preview, 2012-13

Lousivile supposed to be great this season, achieve their dreams. Peyton Silva, co-captain and gunkie  leader, leads several practice subteams and looks like the shining star this yr.

Silva has struggled through four years of severe bipolar depression. He would play sweet then suck it up for a while.

He had a span of becoming injured and ill, while losing games because of his ailments. An embarrassing loss at Providence was the worst in college history.

A song he wrote during a low-point of his suffering, “Healer”, debuted at #2 on the ARIA charts.

Last year he honored 25% of his 3 point shots. 2013 should be another year of showcasing the trick shots and basketball talent.

Coach Rick Pitino said “He is one of the best five people I have ever meet.”

These words shouldn't be taken lightly he's a legendary coach. Silva will be your beloved red cardinal, beating his wings against championship skies for the #1 team in the nation.

CFH Season Preview for 2012-13