ELITE 8 PREVIEW- MSU VS UCONN - LEPRECHAUNS OF MARCH

Could it be! I said could it be! The green and white haze has fallen through the meadows. The huskies can't find their way! Shabazz has fallen among the poppies of ill-mannered magic. The time is now for the combo of Payne and Dawson to unleash the crawl. Hordes of leprechauns! The lights are on, the match is set. Let the leprechaun dance commence.

ELITE 8 PREVIEW: Kentucky vs. Michigan - The Miracle of Birth or Spirit Animals?

Watch out for Kentucky's Julius Randle! He has emerged as a killer shark who goes after blood in the water while humming the JAWS theme song. Michigan's big men will have to punch him in the snout to get rid of him.

Jordan Morgan has become more of a rabid Wolverine as the season has gone on. But much like his spirit animal, this nocturnal carnivore will struggle to perform before the sun goes down. Sunset is scheduled for 8:18 PM tonight, which has the Michigan faithful saying, "Ruh roh!" as they scavenge Scooby Snacks from the petrol-drenched floors of Lucas Oil Stadium.

Nik Stauskas has been Michigan's shining star all season.  A milky white skinned player, this dribbling biscuit of a man has been shooting at a high percentage throughout this tournament. But tonight is the night his muscle memory fails him and his shooting touch becomes a script for the next l33t fail video! He will not be able to buy a hoop on Craig's List!

The Harrison twins are not Siamese, but they are still a sort of two-headed monster on the basketball court. These siblings were born less than a day apart. This miracle of birth is sure to propel the Wildcats to the Final 4!

PICK: Kentucky (-2)

ELITE 8 PREVIEW: Dayton vs Florida

Has the illustrious tournament run come to a close? Florida the once sought after gators are facing a fierce competitor. The antitheses of carnal rule is the airborne joy of flyers. Archie the one a time forgotten brother of Sean Miller has ammased his gang of ravenous mouth breathers and is poised to set off the A-10 grenade. Don "monk" meineke has returned! Surely his spirit will guide the high flyers to the final four!

ELITE 8 PREVIEW: Arizona and the FUN-draiser to get Brandon Ashley new legs

Sean Miller views his coaching job a lot like a buffet, feasting on superb talent and washing it down with a carbonated soda of success (which only costs $1.85 extra given the right circumstances). This sort of gluttony has led him to gain an unhealthy amount of metaphoric weight on his metaphysical body and he might have a heart attack. 911 is on my speed dial for tonight and if I see Sean Miller acting a bit wonky on TV, you all will know exactly what's happening to him on a metaphysical level.

Wisconsin's Frank Kaminsky has proven to be a slam dunk in the talent dumpster throughout this tournament. This self-proclaimed "trash man" will continue making baskets as if he were lofting paper mache into a waste disposal.

But how you gonna shoot 3's with the Arizona's pack-line defense? Wisconsin coach Bo Ryan can't seem to figure it out and this morning had to be restrained by giant police when asked a wily question by one of the reporters. This reporter was wearing a trenchcoat and seemed to think he was detective Colombo or something, so I personally think Bo's outburst was understandable.

KEY POINT OF THE GAME
- Will Brandon Ashley return for Arizona? No one is talking about this, but we here at College Freakin Hoops can never rule it out. This is, after all, March Madness.

We are taking donations for the Brandon Ashley fund. We are trying to raise enough money to attach him to some leg units. If successful in our funding, he could almost certainly see some action for Sean Miller's squad tonight.

March Madness has brought me out of a depression I burned all my snapbacks and stayed warm by the fire since I no longer have a home because I burned it to the ground to stay warm by the fire so because I was homeless I burned all my snapbacks to stay warm by the fire

I have emerged from my depression as a new man. My bracket wasn't busted this year because I'm not gonna fill one out til the end of the season, then Warren Buffet will HAVE to give my my billion.

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