Chattanooga at Indiana Preview, Sunday November 13th, 5:00 ET

Indiana hoards much of the available talent in this matchup, as the lowly Chattanoogits will have to prop up their egos to stay competitive.

 However, if these Chattanooga animals wants to pull off the upset, it will be with a 24 hour fast. The Mocs return four senior starters, with three sales majors in the bunch. This persuasive bunch should have no problem convincing Indiana of a reason to starve themselves leading up to gametime.

Omar Wattad and Ricky Taylor are two of the best players in the Southern Conference, but the hickish culture shock could leave them squirreling for excuses. This famous effect is known as the "Tractor Factor".

 A devestating one game losing streak would cripple the enthusiasm in Indiana. Look for the Hoosiers to propel to the Promised land upon notions of cautious optimism alone.

Kenpom's predicted score - Indiana 84-65
Indiana's page on kenpom.com (5 second ad upon click)
Chattanooga on kenpom.com (5 second ad)

Michigan State vs. North Carolina, November 11 2011 Preview - "Aircraft Carrier"The Most Dangerous "Aircraft Carrier" Game. - College Basketball

A windy November day... changed college basketball forever. The game started in spectacular fashion. Such a physical game can only be described as grotesque licking. Then an unbelievable gale force wind prevailing from the east blew upon the carrier. Later the wind would be described as the wail of Nick Fazekas carrying Obama back to the golden age of hoops when his predictions were correct. While others believed the wind was set up by NBA commissioner David Stern to express his feelings of the lockout. Either way that day was truly horrific.

First, the ball was going sideline to sideline. This wouldn't be a problem normally. However, there was a strange effect that was carried with the wind. The effect was akin to altitude sickness. Reasoning was tossed out the window. Russell Byrd, feeling he could fly, dove over board the carrier chasing an errant ball. However, the wind caught him before he was plunged into the icy water below. He was then hoisted back onto the carrier by that same wind. He would later describe the wind as, "Fazekas' guiding hand." So, maybe, this is indeed the doing of the great Nick Fazekas from the golden age. Many other players were climbing the walls of the carrier jumping and becoming swept up by the wind in a joyous ride, "Oh Fazekas!" This was a term heard from an onlooker who was interviewed after the debacle.

Second, many strange objects were being swept onto the carrier from the wind. All manner of creatures made their way onto the deck. Every carnivorous creature imaginable was accounted for because of the wind. Adrien Payne was taught the meaning of his surname by a pack of hyenas laughing all the while. Even Obama was not save from the wrath of the creatures. However, before the grizzly could form a strike against the president the Secret Service came to his aid. Many shots rang out across the carrier. Let this be a lesson to those who shoot into prevailing winds. The bullets didn't even graze our friend Mr. Grizzly instead they fought their way through the entirety of North Carolina's squad. Obama, so enraged by the bullets of his protective squad hitting his favorite teams players, pressed his red button. The red button is used to call the elite Navy SEALs into action. The SEALs dressed in Drager Lar V scuba suits infiltrated the carrier and began to cut down the dangerous animals with their combat knives.

Third, the sheer madness that had enveloped the carrier was astounding. Everyone on the ship caught fits of hysteria. Even Obama was swimming on the polished wood of the court. Irving "Magic" Johnson was doing offensive maneuvers with the SEALs. Apparently they were trying to capture Mr. Grizzly so they could rescue hostages. However, that story was proven to be false because there was inconclusive evidence to back it up. Then President Obama was swept up by the "hand of Fazekas," and brought to the oval office were he woke up.

Apparently this had all been a dream but many eye witnesses swear to the contrary. Obama delivered this story in a White House press conference where many thought he had lost his grip on reality. Later that day congress had proposed to play all college basketball games on aircraft carriers. They claimed it was good for American business. However, Obama swiftly vetoed the bill. Whether the accounts of the event that unfolded that day are true or not is debatable but Obama's fear of aircraft games are not.

Also, this should be noted, Adrien Payne has been missing since the games conclusion.

Michigan State Preview 2011-2012

 

     The biggest event in Midnight Madness history turn sour as head basketball coach for the Michigan State Spartans, Tom Izzo contracted rabies from a wild moon wolverine. Everything was wired in via skype. Coach was being broadcasted to the entire world while on the moon enjoying the scenery. Moon rock after moon rock was there to greet him. Then a rare species we can't yet study was spotted ripping into the now comatose head coach. He eventually made it back to earth but how alive he is, is yet to be seen. This puts a damper on what already looked like a gloomy season for the Spartans who almost missed the tournament last season.

     Kalin Lucas has taken over as interim head coach. A wounded man coaching a wounded team. Don't look down too much on the Spartans this season they still have a first rate journalist in Draymond Green as he displayed for ESPN last season. So watch out for the Spartans this year! They should be a wounded animal this season and as we all know wounded animals are sometimes the most dangerous kind! Ask that wolverine about being wounded he was on the freakin' moon.

Florida @ Ohio St Preview - November 15, 2011 College Basketball

Ohio State enters this season fueled by uncorked passion, ranked No. 3 in both the Coaches and AP polls behind UNC and Kentucky. The Buckeyes were the archtype last season, where they posted a 34-3 record on their way to a complete weenie roast at the hands of Kentucky in the Sweet 16 of the NCAA tournament.


Ohio State University is dedicated to providing a curriculum that is rooted in the teachings of the Catholic church. Ohio State has two returning starters in their catechism -- Jared Sullinger and William Buford.

Jared "Sack Jackin' " Sullinger enters his sophomore season behind an absolute bogdas of hype. The only consensus preseason All-American was also  voted the Big Ten’s preseason player of the year. He lost 20 pounds in the offseason, and his iconic value will multiply tenfold. He will be able to utilize unbelievable athleticism this semester rather than being propped up in the paint like a Macy's float. This headhunter has the world clutching their legs in an utter fetal position.

On the dark side of things, it is rumored that Williams Buford has mice in his home. Watch out for this off-the-court distraction to greatly affect Ohio State's ch'i.

Florida was one game away from reaching the Final Four last season. Wizard and master puppeteer Billy Donovan is the master composer -- opponents think he's played his master sonata, but he's just playin' CHOPSTICKS.

Three seniors graduated -- but Rutgers transfer Mike Rosario and McDonald's All-America freshman Bradley Beal could become the Mount Saint Helens of college basketball, ready to erupt with projectile vomit at any given moment.

A big question mark is the improvement of center, Patric Young. This young big man has spent much of his career rumbling around like a mastodon. The Gators are ranked No. 8 in the Associated Press preseason poll. Florida University is proud of its online educational programs

I am picking FLORIDA to get an upset win on the road. Why? Well - the moon is aligned with the earths gravitational field in such a manner that it's heaviest side is facing earth, less total energy is in the system. Florida's small guards are surely aware of this fast break opportunity and will make Ohio State's flakey cast keel.

Michigan St vs Duke Preview - November 15, 2011 College Basketball

Mike Krzyzewski enters the 2011-12 season with the socially-unacceptable tally of 900 victories in his college head coaching career, two wins behind your hero and mine BOB KNIGHT.

His enshrinement as winningest coach in collegiate hoops history might as well enshrine into enshrinement.

If they dismantle Belmont, and if they are able to rediscover their moral dignity with a win against Presbyterian, the stage will be set for Coach K to become the all time wins leader -- in front of a notoriously fleshy gathering at MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.

With all this history at stake, Tom Izzo is riding the gravy train to stewy success. Michigan State's repugnant first win could come against Coack K's corky bunch.

Last year's pre-season #2, MSU's season relatively unraveled. Then, with some wins, it reraveled for the Spartans, then reveled into relevance by raveling irreverantly.

Draymond "Pantyhose" Green (12.3 PPG 8.6 RPG last year) will need to re-oil his "goat-motor" for any chance at soiling Coach K's indulgent party.

Iowa Hawkeyes Injury Update

 Big man Melsahn Basabe was recently injured in a tractor pull. This comes only weeks after Bryce Cartwright slipped on an ear of corn and shredded his meniscus, and swingman Matt Gatens fell 20 feet from a barn, and onto a farm.

2012 Purdue Team Preview

Purdue is liable to fall on some hard times here in 2012, after enjoying the fruitful splendor of last year's veteran leadership under tortuous conditions. Please read more.

Just try to visualize Gene Keady, Boilers. Imagine him mumbling some incoherent (immortal) words of wisdom to rally the troops, and your outlook of the Boilermakers' season will be just as positive as mine. Please keep reading.

Robbie Hummel is sure to bring his swollen ACL and attempt to bail out Purdue basketball as if it were some sort of Swiss bank.

I see Purdue finishing near the middle of the pack in a mediocre Big Ten. They will shed their talent cones mid-year, like the truly coniferous bunch they are.

2012 Penn State preview

Penn State is in relative shambles. The loss of many starters to graduation would have doomed them to a near-last Big Ten finish, but now they have to deal with team departures as well.

Troubled guard Taran Buie left the team in April. His method of departure was particularly unusual, as he put on quite a performance instead of making a simple announcement.

"I'm tiiiiiiiiired of grace!" he sang in his best Aretha Franklin soul notes. "So tiiiiiiiiired of second chances!" He attempted to detach the mounted press-stand microphone but was unfortunately electrocuted instead. He would be out for the year even if he had been eligible to return.

Wishing you a speedy recovery,
-Matt

Bo Ryan finds Zen -- [COLLEGE FREAKIN HOOPS EXCLUSIVE]

We have occupied possession of a valuable asset to the company -- Wisconsin coach Bo Ryan's personal laptop, including his recent web history. In a COLLEGE FREAKIN HOOPS EXCLUSIVE, we are able to report to you, here, today, that Bo Ryan issued 2 or 3 different google searches about the practice of ZEN.

The fine dine of reports and excellence in journalism continues, friends, as College Freakin Hoops can also reasonably make this prediction -- Bo Ryan will start using the triangle offense a la Phil Jackson post-zen, and little known guard RYAN EVANS will be knighted the next Jordan / Kobe within that system. Book it, bookies.

Indiana Hoosiers - 2011-12 Team Preview

THE REVOLUTION BEGINS - 2012 INDIANA HOOSIERS. Tom Crean and his youthful cast of white men stain the yellow tinted underarms of the Big Ten this year, with far more experience than last year. Fans will ask "Is this the same team that was in an unjust war with Bethune Cookman?" "Are these those same Hoosiers that threatened action against MSU?" "BRING OUR HOOSIERS HOME!"

Imagine these hick white men riding a slick luge to the state championship. Congratulations, I think you have built the DAMNDEST visual image that you ever did see. BRING US OUR CHAMPIONSHIP TOM CREAN.

"We're tired coach!"
Words that are SHUNNED BY TOM CREAN!
One player was cut pretty badly. Tom Crean simply shook his head, paced slowly to the bench, and applied a non-approved medical SQUEEGEE to the gash! The gash was infested.
Tom Crean doesn't host "practice", he hosts an utter warzone.

Thanks for bringing the Hoosiers back to Indiana, Tom Crean!