2012 Memphis Team Preview

Memphis, the absent star of the north will affect your play negatively this season. Memphis, you should focus on recruiting obedient nobodies rather than dominant alpha-males in your near future.

Memphis, you reached to near the top of the "luck" rankings last year according to Sir Ken Pom. This means your record exceeded your actual performance. How dare you deceive our people, Memphis.

Memphis, please try to eat diets rich in Italian foods, especially Pescatelli, so as to commune communal community communing communal commune communing communal commune communing communal commune (etc). Memphis, please provide great basketball to a town that needs great basketball when a town had great basketball but then more great basketball was erased to to a lockout. The absent northern star depends on you. I predict a Top 25 finish in your future, but not top 10. "El Pepe" has spoken.

(content provided by alleged psychic sports astrologer / vegan "El Pepe")